The Green Hope Falcon

Dear Felicity Falcon (First Issue)

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Dear Felicity Falcon (First Issue)

Green Hope High School logo with alterations by Amelia Mendes

Green Hope High School logo with alterations by Amelia Mendes

Green Hope High School logo with alterations by Amelia Mendes

Felicity Falcon, Staff Writer

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Dear Felicity Falcon,

    • Does pineapple belong on pizza?” Although I am well aware that this issue often results in controversy, the undoubtedly correct answer is no. There is no plausible way that a sweet fruit should EVER be consumed simultaneously with more salty flavors like tomato and cheese. It’s wrong. It’s absurd. I’m sorry if this conflicts with your previous misconceptions of what qualifies as a quality meal.
    • “Who’s Felicity?” Felicity Falcon writes an advice column where the students of GH can voice their questions, concerns, etc. In regards to WHO is Felicity Falcon, she is a highly respected, retired school mascot who now spends her days in her nest on the Outer Banks, pondering and pontificating the dilemmas and questions presented to her by those in adolescent crises. (In other words, I’m not saying).
    • “How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Literally dying to know…” This is a pressing question that has been slowly consuming humanity for decades. The complexity of the sentence alone baffles many and leads us to ponder a variety of questions, such as: What is a woodchuck? Do woodchucks even chuck wood? Well, to answer your question, woodchucks do not actually chuck wood. Therefore, the amount of wood that woodchuck would chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood is dependent on the personal, tragically unattainable desires of the individual woodchuck in question.
    • “Did I just fail math?” Hopefully not. If it turns out that you are failing, I recommend that you take some time to discuss with your teacher, one on one, about what course of action you should take in order to better your grade. If you are struggling with your math teacher’s teaching style, you may want to seek out resources outside of the classroom. I personally recommend Khan Academy, which has great videos that explain math concepts, followed by practice problems. https://www.khanacademy.org
    • “To Be or Not To Be?” Ah, yes. That IS the question. Even more pressing than the woodchuck conundrum.
    • “How do you get along with teachers you don’t like?” Well, there are probably going to be many instances where you’ll have to work with people you don’t like, so it’s good that you’re learning how to deal with such a dynamic now. First, you should know that you shouldn’t need to like/be liked by a teacher in order to do well in their class. Your grades should solely reflect the quality of the work you’ve completed. Secondly, reevaluate why you don’t like a certain teacher. It’s not fair, if you don’t like a teacher purely because you aren’t good at/don’t like the material they’re teaching or because others in the class dislike the teacher and you want to fit in. Finally, if you simply just don’t like the teacher, the best thing you can do is NOT SHOW IT. All because you don’t like someone, doesn’t mean that they are any less deserving of your respect.
    • “How can I get a schedule change?” Unfortunately, students were only able to request a schedule change during the first five days of the school year. If your schedule truly requires alteration, I would suggest going to student services and seeing if there is a possibility of an exception being made. If not, look on the bright side. Registration for the next school year opens on February 22nd and closes on March 8th. If the problem with your schedule this year was a result of you having signed up for a class that you didn’t really want, maybe even as just an alternative, don’t make the same mistake again and only sign up for classes that you actually want to take. If you are desperate to change your schedule now, and the school is unable to make an exception, there is always the option of dipping into your college savings and secretly hiring one of the Black Falcons (a member of GH’s tech club) to hack into the school system and change your schedule.
    • “How do I live in a country with an immoral president?” I assume you’re alluding to the Donald. In an effort to remain unbiased, I’ll say this: Don’t allow your political views to infringe upon the love you have for our nation– our nation that believes that “all men are created equal” and that we are all born with inalienable rights as human beings. Presidents come and go. You shouldn’t allow one individual to compromise the love and respect you have for your country; a country who millions of revolutionary people have fought for.
    • “Why am I so stupid?” The human brain is an incredible marvel. It’s capable of not only having original thoughts, but also of conveying those thoughts and ideas to others. The brain can be lightning fast while retrieving and perceiving information, faster than any computer. Your brain is capable of creation, deduction, problem solving, analysis, and endless other abilities that are mind-boggling to researchers. Your brain is a gift, and you’re only undermining it’s unbelievable complexity when you question your intelligence. So in conclusion, you’re not stupid…you’re just lazy.
    • “How do flex on the hater without harming them?” Although I am a little confused by your question, I’m going to venture and say that your question could be reworded as “How can I be confident and proud without being snobbish?”. Well, there’s nothing wrong with being confident and proud of yourself. You’re being snobbish if your trying to compare your achievements in a way that intently portrays them as superior to those of others. 
    • “Thank u 4 ur hard work!!!” You’re most welcome 🙂
    • Finally, In regards to the five students who asked how they could improve their chances of engaging in some sexual activity, I am giving out advice, not miracles.

Sincerely,

Felicity Falcon

About the Writer
Felicity Falcon, Advice Columnist

Felicity Falcon writes an advice column where the students of GH can voice their questions, concerns, etc. She is a highly respected, retired school mascot...

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For students, by students
Dear Felicity Falcon (First Issue)