What’s Up With Slow Walkers?

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What’s Up With Slow Walkers?

How slow do the students around you walk?

How slow do the students around you walk?

Caity Dawes

How slow do the students around you walk?

Caity Dawes

Caity Dawes

How slow do the students around you walk?

Caity Dawes, Staff Writer

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There’s an issue facing Green Hope High School, or rather, the Green Hope hallways. It’s not poor attendance, sick students, or declining performance. No, the problem is much bigger than that–slow walkers.

Slow walkers are distinguished as those students who walk at a turtle’s pace in the halls, as if they have all the time in the world. They look just like any other student. If not for their incredibly, painstakingly sluggish walk, they would fit right in. However, their gait distinguishes them, and not in a good way. They walk, rather slowly, among us. A red flag of a slow walker are frustrated students trying to awkwardly get around them, as if they were passing a minivan doing 15 in a 30. Also, you’ll likely see a confused, small little freshman when witnessing a slow walker.

“I have short legs, and I walk faster than some of the students at Green Hope,” said junior Hannah Petersen on the issue. 

There are many issues associated with going to high school, but I believe that slow walkers are arguably the most annoying. There is nothing more irritating than minding your own business in the hall while walking to class and finding yourself behind a slow walker, dragging their feet, ignoring the angered pupils around them. When I find myself behind someone who walks as if they are in quicksand while wearing a weighted vest, I can’t help but consider the possibility of being homeschooled.

Look, we’re all in the same boat here. All students have five minutes to get to class, they all need to get to class. But some students take it upon themselves to trudge these crowded halls as if they were extras on The Walking Dead set. Maybe it’s the side effects of the academic stress this school puts upon them or maybe they’re just doing it to spite the rest of the students who walk like normal human beings. Although we may never know the motives of a creepy adolescent crawler, we do know they are annoying. These idle students pose a threat and they must be swiftly dealt with.

I don’t care what it takes. Speed limits, fines, increased police presence. We have to do whatever it takes to handle these slow students or they may, very very slowly, get away with it.