New Research Shows Listening to Holiday Music All Year Contributes to Global Destruction

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Holiday music is a staple of a happy holiday season, but some people take their love of holiday music too far.

Lucas Moore, Staff Writer

When the holiday season comes around each December the world is inundated with Jingle Bells, All I Want For Christmas Is You, It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year, and other  songs. These songs are synonymous with a happy holiday season, but some people take their love of holiday music too far.

One sophomore is strongly opinionated on this topic, saying “honestly, when you listen to holiday music when it’s not seasonally appropriate you’re just ruining it. It’s called holiday music, not all-the-time music!” Sticklers for seasonal-appropriateness say this music is only acceptable to listen to between the period of Thanksgiving and New Years, but some people listen to it earlier in November. Even though these people are listening to it early, there is an even more egregious group: the people who listen to it all year long.

Some downright irrational people shamelessly listen to playlists of holiday music all year long, and the number of people who do this has disturbingly increased significantly over recent years. Additionally, over the past few years we’ve seen an increase in global temperature, sea levels, severity of wildfires, spread of diseases, and global tension. Researches noticed an alarming correlation between these statistics: the increase in those listening to holiday music out of season is causing a severe imbalance in the world. Why has 2020 been such a brutal, punishing year? The answer is simple.

When we reached out to an esteemed scientist in the field of holiday music, we received additional confirmation of these facts. “Those people are directly responsible for almost any negative occurrence in life. For instance, if you misplace your keys and get locked out of your house in the middle of June that’s the fault of the people who are listening to Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer at that ridiculous time of year.”

We also contacted a confirmed serial holiday music listener for their thoughts, and they presented a surprising indifference to the world around them. “Did you say global pandemic? What does that mean? I’ve just been jamming to my holiday music since last December!” When we attempted to expose them to some current news, they simply plugged back in their headphones and listened to holiday music like we weren’t even there.

So this holiday season, please enjoy your holiday music… responsibly.