Overzealous Teacher Causes Laser Pointer Fire


Lucas Moore

In an incredible act of strength, a teacher used a laser pointer for so long that it burst into flames

Lucas Moore, Satire Editor

The Green Hope High School building had to be evacuated on Wednesday due to a fire in a classroom, causing great disruption to ongoing virtual learning. The cause of this fire was narrowed down to the extremely overzealous use of a laser pointer. The blame falls on a teacher, who in an attempt to avoid becoming “too famous” from this act would like to remain anonymous, used her laser pointer for the entirety of the class – leading to the combustion of the laser pointer itself.

“We generally do not recommend continuously using our products for more than 5 minutes. The sheer physical strength and willpower required to hold the button [that activates the laser] down for 45 minutes is nothing short of incredible,” a representative from Laser Pointers Emporium, the maker of the laser pointer used, told us.

Students in this teacher’s Biology class described the use of the laser pointer, saying she “started by using it on a presentation, but then once that was done she just started waving it around randomly while telling us when our next test was.” Several students suffered great medical trauma due to the blazing red light darting across their screen, and one is now in a coma. Once the laser pointer burst into flames, witnesses say that she continued to use it until the entirety of the pointer was a smoldering pile of plastic.

Her incredible ability to continuously use a laser pointer for so long, even while it scorched her hands, has not gone unnoticed. She is set to receive an award from the laser pointer company for “Elite Laser Pointer Operation” sometime next week. She has also ordered a new laser pointer, in hopes she can shatter her previous record and receive even more accolades.

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